The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
