And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
