Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
