and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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