theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
