You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You may now shotgun with the bride
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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