It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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