the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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