My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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