I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
