I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
