The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
