Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
