Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
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All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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