What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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