We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
