This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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