I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
