In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
