And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
