when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
