i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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