If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
nutella sex= disaster
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
