her vagine was all disorganized.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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