pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
