im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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