Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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