The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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