That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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