If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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