Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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