There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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