I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
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