and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
