Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
