But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
