hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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