I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
