go do what you do best...puke behind churches
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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