so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
