how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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