arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
