yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
