Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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