We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
