I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
