I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
