All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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