I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
