She's JV to your varsity
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
