i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
