This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
