i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
