You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
