So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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