I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
how does that bad decision feel?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
