Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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