Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
FUCK WHALES
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
