strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
