Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
