Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
