I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
