there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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